In every relationship,(be it friendship, marriage even business relationship) there’s a table, the table is the meeting point that decides if the relationship starts, continues or ends; so it is same for those about to start a relationship, those already in one or those considering to leave one. Wherever you fall, this question remains one to be highly considered and it is a question for both parties involved. The table focuses on the two people involved and also focuses on two things happening at the table, you are either giving or receiving and both matters.
N.B: If you have nothing to offer in a relationship, you will be worth nothing in the relationship.
Common mistakes people make versus what’s actually needed
- Money vs security. Some men and women believe at the table; they can bring money and as long as they do they are worth everything in the relationship. Big lie, anyone can give money, that is why we have people in committed relationships or marriages asking or receiving money from people outside their relationship, to them they get money from their partners but it’s not enough; so what might be enough? Security. Security goes beyond money, It’s an assurance that when push comes to shove, I’d be there; When the cards are down, you can count on me. Security is money, security is time, security is faithfulness, security is commitment. People who desire a lasting relationship, look out for security rather than just money. Remember the saying, money can buy you things but it cannot buy happiness, but security can. When all you have to offer is money, all you can do is satisfy the wants of your partner, but when you offer security, you desire to satisfy the needs of your partner.
Here’s a quick analogy, Two men sit on a bench in a garden, let’s call them Paul and Peter, Paul is a millionaire in dollars worth ten million dollars; whilst Peter only has a thousand dollars in his account. A woman passes by whose five-year-old daughter has a medical condition, she needs money but shamefully decides to ask the two men. She ask Paul, tells him her story and even though she needs hundreds of thousands of dollars, she ask for a thousand, Paul sees it as nothing and gives it to her, to him it’s like taking a bucket of water out of the ocean right? She moves over to Peter and tells the same story, also asks for a thousand dollars, Peter gives her nine hundred dollars and is left with hundred dollars. Who gave more? Some will say Paul and I know some will say Peter; So here’s the truth, Paul gave her more money because he only saw her wants, all he saw and heard was she needed a thousand dollars and that was what he gave, but Peter heard her, knew from her story she needed more than a thousand dollars and gave her 90% of all he had, Peter saw her need.
Lesson: Anyone can give money, but choose to stay with the one that can give you their all.
- Looks vs responsibility. How far can looks go? How far can it take you? Believe me, only a short distance, but responsibility goes all the way. A lot of people go into relationships, marriages because of looks; forgetting the beautiful look today is a forgotten look tomorrow. Beauty fades! (An interesting fact about some people who focus on beauty and those who also focus on their beauty is sometimes that’s all they actually care about; the look, the dresses, how they sound, never about the relationship). Truth be told, there will always be another person, either male or female who will be the most beautiful or most handsome. How do I know this? We all know the popular beauty pageant; Miss world and Miss Universe. Has there ever been a time, the same contestant won these pageants in two years consecutively, No! Sometimes, same country might win but it’s always with a new contestant, never the same person; probably there are rules to this or maybe the last contestant is busy but in all whether we like it or not; there’s always a new contestant the following year, same goes for the Mr world and Mr Universe; there’s always a new Queen or King!, the old fades away and is forgotten; that’s the way looks are.
Responsibility however last a lifetime. A responsible person today will likely remain responsible tomorrow; what that means is responsibility never fades! When you choose responsibility over looks; you can be assured of a wonderful relationship. Difference between looks and responsibility is whilst Looks go down, responsibility goes up! A beautiful person today will not be as beautiful tomorrow whilst a responsible person today will likely be more responsible tomorrow. A responsible person cares about everything you care about; cares about your looks and their look; your thoughts and theirs; your worries and your joy; they practically care about everything.
Lesson: Focusing on looks only bring temporal happiness but choosing responsibility will last a lifetime.